Embracing Whimsy In Challenging Times

Let's be real here for a minute.  The daily news has been filled with trauma and the darkest examples of human nature and destruction.  As a trauma therapist with three decades of work under my belt, even I feel shocked by what the worst humans among us are doing. The despair and rage that the more sensitive among us are feeling are very real.  

The rapid-fire stream of negative news has thrust many of us into a bout of learned helplessness.  In the famous (and cruel) experiment that identified this behavioral pattern, dogs were shocked at random.  At first, they worked to try to avoid the electric shocks.  Eventually, as this proved to be impossible, the dogs gave up and lay down, accepting that they were going to keep being harmed no matter what they did.  

Being exposed to so many traumatic news items leaves us feeling overwhelmed and disempowered to change anything.  The horrors happening around us have begun to feel inevitable and uncontrollable.  

That being said, it is crucially important that we not become desensitized to human suffering or lose sight of the possibility of a more humane society and existence.  We must continue to work for justice and human decency.  We may want to completely bury our heads in the sand, and we certainly need to take breaks from the negative news cycle to remain grounded and sane, but we must not tune out from the suffering of our fellow humans completely.

On the flip side, if we become buried by our own grief about the problems surrounding us, there is no way to affect positive change.  Our fire is extinguished and our voices are silenced.  The joy and positive impact we could share with the world becomes buried with our spirit.

Finding and experiencing joy in these times is a rebellious act.  We have to stay in touch with the beauty and the good in the world so that we never lose sight of the things we are fighting to save and promote.  We also must work to stay grounded and mentally well even when it feels like the negativity in the world is pulling us under.  

All this negativity must be balanced with positive thoughts and activities.  To do this, we must actively work to counter-balance what is happening around us with things that bring beauty, joy, fun, and healing in order to remain strong and grounded.

With this in mind, let me present my own daily practice of creating a WHIMSICAL TO-DO LIST.  Like many of you, the tasks on my plate as a mother and business owner are overwhelming and seem never ending.  To fight the entropy, keeping an endless to-do list is a necessity.  However, when I focus too much on what is practical I end up losing sight of my "whys."  The reason for the tasks on my traditional to-do list is to create a beautiful life for my loved ones while promoting healing and growth in my community.  

My solution has been to create a completely separate document where I continuously add the things I want to see or experience that will bring whimsy to my life.  These things are usually simple, quick and easy.  Perhaps there's a new seasonal drink at your local drive-thru coffee place that you heard about and want to try.  Maybe your favorite artist is releasing a song and you remind yourself to go listen.  It could be astronomical - taking time to notice the full moon, or a meteor shower.  Finding some time on a rainy day to read a good book with a hot cup of tea under a blanket.  Sticking your feet in the ocean on the first warm day in the springtime.  Snuggling your pet.  Marking your child's recent growth upon the door jamb.  Setting aside five minutes to listen to the birds.  Reconnecting with a friend you have lost touch with. 

Identifying these little bright spots, and reviewing your progress in prioritizing them, will improve the quality of your life.  Putting whimsical items
on a to-do list helps you to acknowledge their importance - and these things are truly the highest priority.  They are the things that make life worth living.  

The noses that must be "booped" - an item on my daily Whimsical To-Do list

5 Minute Meditation - Motherhood Edition

Set 5 minute timer, decide on mantra.

Breathing in, I receive what I need to give back to the world.  Breathing out, I give the world what it needs to heal...

“Mom!”

“Meditating....”

“Mom!”

“Meditating.”

“Mom!!”

“Meditating!”

“Mom!”

“When I say “Meditating” that means to wait until I’m done.  What’s up?”

“Gracie is eating graham cracker cookies in the playroom and she won’t share.”

“Tell her she needs to share.  I’m resetting the timer and I just need 5 minutes then I’m all yours.”

Breathing in, I receive what I need to give back to the world.  Breathing out, I give the world what it needs to heal...

Screams from the playroom that move to the kitchen...  “I don’t want a bowl!”  “You only left one in the box and they’re all in the bowl!!!”

Me “Bring me the box and the bowl!  I’m taking these and you need to separate.”

“But I was working on a drawing in the playroom!”  

“Bring it in here.  Now I’m just going to reset the timer and I’m meditating so please just give me 5 minutes, ok?”  

“Ok, Mumma!”

Breathing in, I receive what I need to give back to the world.  Breathing out, I give the world what it needs to heal...

Jack hammer noises emerge from dining room table...

“What IS that?!”

“I’m making you a picture!”

“But what is that noise?!”

“You put a marker in this machine and it makes it sparkly.”

“Do you have to use that?”

“I do if you want your picture to be sparkly!” 

Me, laughing maniacally and resigning myself to meditating for 5 minutes to the sweet sound of jack hammer noises.  

Make it to the end of the timer.

“Here you go, Mumma!”

And, in the end, I got exactly what I needed.  ❤️❤️❤️🌴🌴🌴

Mindful Eating

I was having dinner with a friend the other night, and she mentioned that she had been participating in a health-insurance sponsored weight-loss program.  Among other guidelines, the crux of the program was based upon a hunger scale, where you are only allowed to eat when you ready a certain number.

Intrigued, the next morning I googled hunger scales and was surprised to find that the scale I suspect is being used in this program is actually based upon the tenets of mindful eating.

Eating mindfully typically involves slowing down and being present during mealtimes, truly focusing on the smell, taste and other sensations that are engaged while eating.  It only makes sense to extend this mindful attention to hunger and other sensations in our bodies.

The Pritikin Hunger scale (https://www.pritikin.com/your-health/healthy-living/eating-right/1838-hunger-scale-mindful-eating-weight-loss.html)  is pretty simple.  It rates the stages of hunger and satiation on a scale of 1 through 10, 1 being ravenous and 10 being Thanksgiving Dinner Over-Stuffed.  The idea is that you only eat when you reach a 3, when you are very hungry but not uncomfortably so and you always stop at a 6, when you are satisfied and light but *could* still eat more with the negative consequence of feeling bloated or overly full.  Easy, right?!

When we mindfully tune in to the feedback systems of our body, we are given the information we need to make healthy choices.  

So I’ve been test-driving this part of the Pritikin system for a few days now and I’ve found the results really interesting.  

First off, I’m not actually hungry in the morning.  This shouldn’t be surprising to me, as I notoriously skipped breakfast through most of my teens, (and paid the consequences when food wasn’t available at the time I actually became hungry while in school!)  I then jumped on the “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” bandwagon and have been forcing down food every morning since.  My natural rhythm has me eating for the first time around 10:30 am or even later.  Having permission to wait until later to eat has been actually been a relief.

Second, I’ve realized that I’ve created some anxious beliefs about hunger that aren’t necessarily true.  

When I was pregnant, I would become nauseous every time my stomach became a little bit empty and would wake up in the middle of the night needing to eat to be able to sleep.  As a result, I adjusted my habits to pretty much graze around the clock knowing that that was the only way I could be even moderately functional.  

Not being pregnant, circumstances have obviously changed but the anxiety about letting myself get hungry seems to have persisted even though the negative consequence no longer exists.  Waiting to get to a three on the hunger scale before eating has made me aware that I’ve been eating more from anxiety cues than from hunger.  

So if you’re struggling with achieving a healthy weight or you’re hoping to become more mindful of the feedback systems in your body, give this system a try.  The more we live in rhythm with our bodies and our emotions, the greater levels of health and wellness we are able to achieve.

The Accidental Forest Bather

This morning, while meditating outside on a stump surrounded by nature, I found myself tuning in to the chirping sounds of the birds and frogs, feeling the sensation of the sun and wind on my skin, and I began to wonder if I was actually Forest Bathing.  In truth, my exact thought was “Is it Forest Bathing if you are fully clothed?”*⁣
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A quick post-meditation google search confirmed that this was, in fact what I had been doing.  Forest bathing is simply the experience of sitting quietly in nature while mindfully noticing the information coming in through your five senses.  And it’s lovely.⁣
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Research shows that exercising in a green space provides extra depression-busting benefits beyond exercise alone.  This benefit is even more enhanced in a “green and blue” space, where water is also present.  It seems logical to suspect that the same is true with mindfulness practices and meditation.⁣
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So, if you want to boost your health, happiness and mental well-being, commit yourself to a regular meditation practice.  If you want to supercharge your practice, get outside!⁣
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*(Side note- I wasn’t doing an awesome job letting go of my thoughts as they arose...  I am very much an imperfect meditator 😂😂😂).⁣

What To Do When People Doubt Your Awesomeness

What do you do when faced with Doubting Debbies?  The people who tell you that what you want to do can’t be done?  Or, worse yet, that YOU specifically won’t be able to do it?!  

Do you internalize and adopt their lack of confidence in you?  Do you get angry?  Or do you use their doubt to fuel your motivation?

This vacation week, I found this 1000 piece puzzle (with hidden objects!!!) at a consignment shop for a couple of dollars and decided to buy it to give the kids (and myself) something to do when it rained or we needed to have some indoor down-time.  

As we started the puzzle, and realized how daunting of a task this might actually be, my father innocently commented that he wasn’t sure we’d be able to finish it within the week.  And my husband agreed.  

Here’s where my semi-oppositional nature kicked in.  I try to use this particular trait for good, rather than evil, but when I’m told I can’t do something my inner voice automatically says, “Oh, Heck no!”  

When they were starting to prep me for interventions with my son after 23 hours of labor, on pitocin, without any pain management this is what my inner voice said to me as I stopped their evil plan and pushed that baby out.  When they were prepping the OR after birthing my daughter because (without getting into the gory details) the things that are supposed to happen after birth weren’t happening on their own in a timely fashion, I heard that voice kick in again, and no surgery ended up being necessary.  

“OH HECK NO” is the automatic neural network I’ve built when faced with other people’s doubt.

So when I heard two of the significant men in my life doubt our collective ability to complete the task at hand I knew that this puzzle would be completed before we ended our week.  When I found this sign at a store in Sunapee Harbor, I knew that I needed to have it simply from the fiery motivation I felt just from reading it.

So we worked on the puzzle on and off over the days and...  it was missing one stinking piece!  😂  While this was a good lesson in humility, I’m still going to own our success.  And anyway, my sign covers the missing piece perfectly!  

More importantly, I’m bringing my sign home to put in my office to fire me up when I start to have doubts about my own hopes and dreams.  And I’m encouraging you to adopt this attitude as well. 

If someone ever tells you that you can’t accomplish your dreams, I hope that your inner voice responds with a big old “OH HECK NO!”  And, if your inner voice isn’t quite there yet, feel free to use mine.  We are all capable of far more than we realize, we just have to be brave enough to stand up to the doubt.  

Disconnecting to Reconnect

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I’m rarely alone.  With a husband and two children, a job where I work with people, and friends who I wish I connected with more frequently it’s unusual for me to be doing something by myself.  Generally speaking, I’m happy about this.  I love people.  They’re my species!  However tonight, I found myself on the lake watching the sunset while completely alone.⁣
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I’ll be honest.  At first I felt kind of sorry for myself.  You see, I often watch my neighbors going out for long paddles with a close friend or spouse and I envy that intimacy and wish that I had the space (and companionship here) to do the same. ⁣
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But once I settled in on my paddle board and quieted my thoughts I realized that I was experiencing a perfect moment.  The sunset was spectacular and the water was calm.  The dragonflies skimmed the surface of the water occasionally landing on my board and joining me for the ride.  Interspersed with the sound of the birds was the singing and laughing of children at the various residences around me.  And the sky was wide open with the water reflecting the blue and orange hues above.⁣
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I realized that I did not feel in the least bit lonely despite being alone.  As I floated around on this lake that I have been coming to since I was an infant, I felt profoundly connected to this space that feels like home.  I felt connected to past incantations of myself and the various stages of my life.  I felt connected to the invisible strangers surrounding me on the lake who were enjoying this spectacular evening.  And I felt connected to something bigger than myself and my life.  ⁣
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If I had shared the moment with a loved one, I likely would have been stuck in my head, processing out loud the thoughts that were filling our minds.  I would have felt connected but also distracted from the gifts around me.  Being alone allowed me to be fully present in the moment, soaking up the gifts around me.⁣
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Temporarily disconnecting from other people sometimes allows us to reconnect to ourselves and the world around us.  Sometimes we need to be alone with the awesome beauty in this world to remember who we are and why we are here.  

Join me on Goodreads!

Hi all!

I've finally created a Goodreads profile for my practice and would love for you to connect with me!  This is an easy way to check out the books I've read and recommend, (or not), that you may find helpful with your own growth and healing journey.

Check out my profile here! Christy's Goodreads Profile!

Self Care in Times of Transition

With every change of season and transition, my self care practices need to be tweaked. It seems like as soon as I’ve got a routine running like clockwork, something changes that makes my practice not fit into the realities of my life anymore. ⁣
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So while I had gotten into the habit of meditating, riding my exercise bike, and journaling every morning, trying to continue this with my kids home from school turned a practice that had been nurturing into an exercise in frustration. ⁣
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The importance of being flexible and adaptable in creating self care routines is essential. What works for you in the beautiful weather of summertime might feel punishing in the depths of winter, (I’m looking at you, former running routine!) Injuries happen that require us to give up on or temporarily suspend daily exercise routines. Schedules change in yoga studios. What used to excite us starts feeling like a chore.⁣
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So I’m in the process of recreating my self-care routines so that they work with my two children now being underfoot in the mornings. My time on the bike and sitting meditation has been traded for yoga videos with an extended shavasana, practiced outside when the weather permits or closed away from my kids when I need to stay inside. I’ve encouraged my kids to join me in my practice as a strategy to avoid their interruptions (with no success... yet!)⁣
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So if you have established self care routines that have stopped flowing with your life, try not to rigidly hold on to what you have been doing and instead figure out what activities could give you similar benefits but might fit a bit better with your current realities. Until, inevitably, it all needs to shift once again.

Solstice Rituals

Happy summer solstice! ☀️

We are officially experiencing the longest day of the year and the peak of our energy before the sun begins its long retreat tomorrow. ⁣
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I try to mark each solstice and equinox as a time for reflection and to realign myself with my intentions and goals. It is also a time for me to reconnect with nature and the natural rhythms we experience during the year. ⁣
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Personal rituals can be an important way to create growth and refocus our life’s intentions.⁣
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#solstice #ritual #nature #intentions #therapistlife #therapy #hellohappyliving 

#christyacolelcpc

Yoga for Stress Relief

As many of you probably know, I am a big fan of yoga as a form of stress relief. Yoga combines deep breathing, meditation, exercise, and muscular relaxation to create a powerful way to relax your entire body. My personal experience with yoga has convinced me that profound emotional and physical changes can occur when a person commits to a regular yoga practice. In fact, research is increasingly showing that yoga can be wonderful therapy for anxiety, depression, and many other mental illnesses and issues.

Yoga classes can be a great way to get started and there are many local resources available to us. However, for many people individual practice is the best option due to time and financial constraints. There are many great DVDs and videos that can get you started with this powerful practice. Here are a few of my favorites.

I've recently discovered that the web can be a wonderful place to learn more about yoga. In fact, many websites are offering streaming yoga videos that allow you to practice for free in the comfort of your own home. My favorite, http://www.yogatoday.com/ , offers a free, hour-long yoga class for every day of the year. You can also sign up to receive a free 15 to 20-minute yoga podcast that can be downloaded directly to your video i-pod or mp3 player at http://www.yogamazing.com/ . These are just two of the many resources a person can find on-line and can be a wonderful way of relieving stress, (and, for my students, a great way to complete their relaxation homework assignment!) Namaste!

Change your Brain - Change your Life

The human brain plays a key role in our mental health and well-being. Gaining an understanding of the workings of your brain can be an important part of living a happy, healthy and satisfying life. To learn more about the different parts of the brain and the role that these parts play in our functioning, click here. You can also follow this link to see how providing stimulus to certain parts of the brain can create movement in our bodies.

Katherine Benziger has developed a theory of personality and career development that is based on our cognitive strengths. Benziger believes that everyone has one part of their brain that is naturally more efficient than the others. Her belief in a nutshell is that people who choose careers that use the part of their brain that is naturally efficient experience greater job satisfaction. (You can find more information about Benziger's theory at businessballs.com.) She also believes that we choose friends with similar brains to our own, but typically choose partners with brains that are complementary to our own. Having a greater understanding of your brain truly can lead to better life decisions and satisfaction in a variety of realms.

Until recent years, scientists believed that the brain was relatively unchangeable after our early years. It is true that amazing growth occurs in the brain during early childhood, however with the development of advanced brain imaging technology, (follow this link to learn more about these techniques), scientists have learned that our brain is much more changeable than we had ever imagined regardless of our age!

As infants, our brain creates neural connections at a rapid rate. These connections are built in response to the many things that the infant experiences in his or her environment. To watch a video clip of this process, click here. At one time, it was believed that the brain did not change much after childhood, however research now shows that the brain experiences a second period of rapid change during the teenage years that can affect many areas of functioning. To access a video and multiple resources about the changing teenage brain, click here.

We are now learning that the brain changes in response to our thoughts, habits and environment. What we focus our attention on truly changes our brain. The more we focus on a particular thought, the more connections to this thought are built in the brain, causing us to focus on it even more. If this is a thought that brings us joy, this can improve our lives. However, if we form a habitual thought that is negative, we inadvertently change our brain in a way that makes this thought easier to access. Thankfully, we can also learn to reverse this process by shifting our attention and changing our thoughts. This is one of the reasons that meditation, affirmations, and therapy can all help people to make permanent changes in their lives.

We have also learned that it is important to continually try to experience new things. The brain can get stuck in a rut, leading to boredom and even neural degeneration. Research is beginning to show that people can avoid some of the negative effects of aging by continually searching out novel information, learning and experiences. Doing something new actually seems to create new growth and connections in the brain regardless of our age.

Finally, neuroscientists have discovered a new kind of brain cell, or neuron, that seems to be the source of a person's ability to empathize. The discovery of this particular type of neuron has huge implications in our ability to understand and treat people with autism and asperger's disorder (for a brief, but incredible video clip about a man with autism who is an artistic savant, click here. Well worth your time in the quest to understand the potential of the human brain!) It also helps to explain any of our everyday social behaviors. To learn more about mirror neurons click here. The video segment of this website does a great job of explaining why so many of us will be at the edge of our seats during the Super Bowl this weekend!

Psychology of Learning and Studying

The study of psychology gives us incredible insight into how an individual can maximize his or her ability to learn. We know that people are unique in the ways that they think, create, and process information. My work in special education has proven to me how varied a person's optimal learning style can be. When people are able to identify their strengths, they are able to approach learning in a way that uses their assets and maximizes their potential for success. Playing to your strengths will not only help you in an academic setting, but can help you in your career and life as well.

The first step, of course, is determining what these strengths are! I am particularly fond of Howard Gardner's work on multiple intelligences. His theory states that intelligence cannot be watered down to one number, (such as an IQ score), but instead varies over a variety of domains. These domains include linguistic, logical-mathematic, musical, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial-visual, interpersonal, intrapersonal intelligence. Other categories of intelligence that may be included within his theory pending further research are naturalistic, spiritual/existential, and moral intelligence (Gardner, 1999). There is no one way to be intelligent. There are many wonderful learning style assessments available on-line and free of charge. The website http://www.businessballs.com/ has a wonderful multiple intelligences self-assessment that can help you determine your intelligence profile. For more in depth information about these theories, I recommend the following books by Howard Gardner.

To gain additional information about your strengths as a learner, I also recommend learning about David Kolb's experiential learning theory. Kolb's experiential learning theory will help you to identify your preferred style of learning and can be administered at school guidance offices, and learning and career centers. A free online self-assessment based on Kolb's work is available at http://www.cloudnet.com/~edrbsass/kolblearningstyle.html. Please note that this is not the actual assessment and has not been researched to verify that it provides accurate results.

Research has shown that not all approaches to studying are equal. A person may spend many hours studying for a test, but it is the way the person chooses to study that will likely determine their of level success. My recommended study technique is the SQ4R approach. In this approach, the student starts by Surveying, or skimming, the information they are trying to learn. While they are surveying the text, they will then form Questions based on the topic headings so that helps them to read with a purpose. The next step is to Read the text and look for the answers to their questions. After reading a small segment of the text, the person will pause and Recite or rehearse the information that they have just read. In addition, it is important that they Relate the information to personal experiences or prior knowledge. After the text has been read, the final step is to Review the chapter and check their memory of the material read (Coon, 2006). Having a pre-determined approach to reading can greatly help improve the efficiency of you studying. Good luck!

References

Coon, D. (2006). Psychology: A modular approach to mind and behavior (10th ed.). Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth.

Gardner, Howard (1999). Intelligence Reframed: Multiple Intelligences for the 21st Century. New York: Basic Books.

Hello and Welcome!

Hi! My name is Christy Cole and I am a counselor with a private psychotherapy practice in beautiful Kennebunk, Maine. In addition to my practice, I also teach Introduction to Psychology at York County Community College. This blog is a way for me to highlight important and useful information in the field of psychology for my clients, students, and anyone else who might find these sorts of things interesting! So welcome to my blog! I hope to post more entries soon. In the meantime, feel free to check out my website, (http://www.christycolecounseling.com/), for more information about who I am and how I approach psychotherapy.